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For example, if you are standing in a crowded subway car and become sexually aroused when you rub yourself against a stranger without asking, then that is frotting and, of course, undesirable and impermissible.
The erotic practice itself is called frotting. Although frotteurism also involves frotting, the two terms are not inseparably linked. We explain the differences and classify whether frotteurism is more of a kink or a mental disorder.
Frotting is not a disorder, but a sexual practice
“Frotting” or “frottage” is not a disorder, but a preference that many men have. It’s wonderfully practical when you can rub against your lover without having to take your clothes off. You can even do it at the lake, on the beach, or at a party without causing a public nuisance.
Frotteurism is a paraphilia
If a person suffers from frotteurism, the phenomenon is classified as a paraphilia. The distinctive feature here is that sexual arousal in frotteurism does not come from the friction alone, but from the fact that the other person does not consent to it.
Frotting is perfectly acceptable if your partner is equally interested in it. However, frotteurism implies that this rubbing is done “secretly” and is unwanted, and is therefore considered a paraphilia.
It is assumed that frotteurists are stimulated not only by the rubbing itself, but also by the risk of being caught in a public place.
The so-called frotteuristic disorder can be treated in various ways. In most cases, a combination of medication (antidepressants) and psychotherapy is used. However, there is little scientific evidence as to what helps people the most. Therefore, frotteurism is treated in the same way as most other paraphilias.
What is a frotteur?
All these terms can be confusing. Frotteurs are people (mostly men) who rub themselves against others and derive pleasure from doing so. Whether this is frotteurism or whether the “frotteur” simply sees “frotting” as a form of sexual pleasure varies from person to person. Not every frotteur suffers from frotteurism, but most people who suffer from frotteurism are also active frotteurs.
If you rub against your partner or rub your penises together until you climax, then you are frotters. However, since you both agree to it, you do not suffer from frottage! For you, frotting is simply a pleasurable practice that fits well into your sexual play.
When is frotting normal and when is it a disorder?
Whether frotting with lots of lubricant and horniness is simply a pleasurable kink or an expression of a disorder that requires treatment does not depend on the act itself, but on the context and consent.
The distinction between consensual pleasure and pathological tendencies is important when it comes to differentiating between frotting as a form of play and frotteurism as a mental disorder.
Here’s how you can distinguish between frotting and frotteurism:
- Consensuality: In frotting, both (or all) participants agree to it, whereas in frotteurism, consent is lacking.
- Location and setting: Frotting takes place in a private or semi-public space, with clear agreement. Frotteurism often happens secretly, e.g., in crowds, where the other person is taken by surprise.
- Motivation: Frotting serves mutual pleasure. In frotteurism, the thrill of the forbidden, the power over the other person, or the kick from the risk play a central role.
- Remorse and insight: If you feel comfortable after frotting and share your pleasure, you are acting consensually. Frotteurs, on the other hand, usually deny their behavior and show no insight even when they hurt others.
- Repetition and compulsion: Frotting is a decision, frotteurism can become a compulsion. Those affected often can no longer control their desire for friction.
The line is therefore not drawn at the act itself, but where consent ends and psychological pressure begins. If you or someone you know has difficulty controlling their behavior or touches people without their consent, this is pathological frottage, which requires treatment.
How does frottage develop and why does it mostly affect men?
The causes are still unclear and are probably multifactorial. Several psychological, biological, and social factors may play a role.
According to research, about 30 percent of adult men have tendencies toward frotteurism, according to DSM-5. This is confirmed by Psychology Today (English-language source). A related disorder reported here is “toucherism.” This is a similar but not identical paraphilia. “Toucherists” touch strangers without permission, usually in intimate places, with their hands.
Since impulse control disorders, lack of emotional maturity, trauma, and restrictive sex education are believed to be among the main causes of frotteurism, young men are often disproportionately affected. They suffer from the triggers more often than women.
What does criminal law say? Frotteurism and legal consequences
Legally, frotteurism is classified as sexual assault or harassment, as unauthorized touching without consent constitutes a criminal offense. Even “light” rubbing against the body can be relevant under criminal law. According to § 177 StGB (sexual coercion, blackmail, abuse), frotteurism is a criminal offense. If you have been harassed, you have the right to file a complaint, even if the perpetrator has disappeared from the crowd.
A court may order mandatory therapy and impose sanctions. Very few frotteurs voluntarily seek counseling; in most cases, contact with the justice system is the initial trigger for therapy.
Frotting in the queer community is pleasurable, safe, and consensual
In queer circles, frotting is often valued as a consensual and erotic sexual practice. With clear agreement, mutual pleasure is the focus here. The act takes place consensually, far removed from frotteurism. Frotting is an expression of intimacy and connection, sometimes without undressing, but sometimes also naked.
If you both desire the friction and are aroused by it, you are not suffering from frotteurism. Even if frotting is your absolute favorite activity in bed, it has nothing to do with a disease. It only becomes relevant when frotting is practiced without consent and with psychological pressure. When the rights of the other person are no longer the top priority, but the satisfaction of one’s own desires takes precedence, it is a criminally relevant disorder.
However, this would not only apply to frotting. If a person kisses strangers on the street for sexual gratification, this is also a criminal offense. Kissing itself, however, is far from being problematic. So don’t worry if you like to “frot,” you are not breaking any laws with consent and you do not have a disorder.