Gay Wiki

What an entry in the Gay Wiki describes, and what it leaves open

Most entries in the Gay Wiki describe a look, and what the man behind it wants in bed stays open. That holds for most gay tribes, from bear to twink; daddy and DILF describe a role more than a look. The 2 club codes work differently: the hanky code is a signalling system with fixed colours, and dark room etiquette is a set of rules for behaviour. With the commemorative days the date is fixed, and the argument only starts with the definition of the term behind it.

As calendar dates, the commemorative days sit with the events, next to Drag Queen Day. Puppy play, leather and the roles of dominance and submission in practice belong to BDSM, Fetish & Kink, and what separates identity from appearance is the subject of Identity & Self-Image.

One pair of terms comes from travel rather than from the scene: the guide to queer travel destinations separates gay-friendly from gay. A gay-friendly hotel welcomes every guest. A gay hotel is usually founded and run by gay men; some call themselves gays-only. Its list of LGBTQ-friendly places for a vacation runs from Gran Canaria and Mykonos to Taipei. Taiwan was the first Asian country to allow same-sex marriage.

Daddy and DILF are role labels rather than age brackets

Daddy and DILF describe a role, and age only sets the rough frame: 40 to 60 for the daddy, 30 to 50 for the DILF. The letters spell out Daddy I’d like to fuck (DILF), and men searching for gay DILFs usually mean this type. Above that range comes the GILF (Grand-Dad I’d like to fuck). What counts is the gap: 5 or 10 years of difference already suffice, as long as the older one is the more dominant partner.

As with the other tribe labels, what a man claims counts more than his birth year. Daddy refers less to age than to a way of living and loving, to care and to taking the lead. The sugar daddy is a different animal: he sponsors tuition fees, holidays and fashion, while the daddy puts the focus on the relationship. For the grey-haired and sexy older type there is the Silver Fox. Fatherhood stays out of all of it.

In the hanky code, colour marks the interest and side marks the role

26 entries across 3 colour charts make up the hanky code: 9 basics, 14 extensions and 3 materials. The system works along the same 2 axes in all 3 charts. The colour marks a sexual interest, and the side of the wearer’s body marks the role. Black signals heavy BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism) with top on the left and bottom on the right. Red stands for fisting, active left and passive right, and navy does the same for anal.

White turns the assignment around. It covers jerking off, and the left side asks for the other man’s hand while the right side offers your own. Handkerchief code, hankie code, bandana code and flagging all name the same signalling system. The likely origin is the Gold Rush settlers in San Francisco in the 19th century. The system spread widely in the 1970s and 1980s in the United States, with the cloth in the left or right back pocket. Today the colours turn up on harnesses as well. Only part of the community still knows the code, so the signal may go unread.

In a dark room, dress code, signals and limits count

Dark room etiquette comes down to 4 points, and the first is clothing. A gay dark room, often written darkroom, is usually a separate room in a bar or club and therefore something other than a swinger club. A motto or dress code often applies. Other senses work in the dark, so rubber, leather or a shirt make a difference.

Signals, communication and security follow. Read body language, turn people down politely, and accept the same in return. Keep the talk on the moment, because the bar leaves plenty of time for gossip. Security has 2 sides. Wearing a condom and double-checking it by feel is the first. Leaving valuables at the counter or cloakroom is the second, because the weak light helps thieves as well.

Body hair, build and age sort the gay tribes

3 features sort the tribes, as the gay otter shows: body hair, build and attitude. Age enters through twink, cub and daddy. The otter falls between the slim twink and the massive bear: hairy, slim to medium in build and well below bear size. His nickname is mini-bear.

Every gay tribe is a short label for a type of man in the scene, and the Gay Wiki holds the 5 best known of them: bear, otter, twink, jock and DILF. On apps like Grindr the label turns into a search filter. The meaning of most tribe names ends at the look: the otter describes hair and build while preference stays open.

Wolf and cub are the loosest labels

The wolf stays hairy, while the build goes 2 ways: lean and wiry is one, the bear type with bulky muscles the other, the way the gay bear has it. A hairy, wiry man with a strong sex drive reads more as a wolf, a stocky hairy guy more as an otter.

Younger or smaller is what the cub stands for in the bear world. Guys under 30 count, as do shorter bearish types, and depending on how the term is used either girth or height matters more.

Blurry lines run through both labels. A tribe name is one a man gives himself, and it stays voluntary: if you feel like an otter, you are one. Tribe names describe a look and a vibe rather than body measurements.

The gay bear is the trunk the other animals branch from

All of the animal vocabulary goes back to an article from 1979. George Mazzei described 7 types of gay men in “Who’s Who in the Zoo” and named each after an animal. The bear was the most influential of them. Bear culture took off in San Francisco in the 1970s. At first every tall, very hairy man counted as a bear, and finer gradations arrived as the scene grew.

6 related types make up the bear family: wolf, otter, cub, panda, trans bear and polar bear. A gay bear is a gay man with a sturdy build and strong body hair who wears both with pride. The term trans bear is frowned upon in places, because it puts too much weight on the trans aspect. Gay bears got their own flag in 1995, striped in natural colours and carrying a paw print. The otter is still waiting for an officially recognised one, while an unofficial version in blues and greys circulates.

For the twink, looks count and the age range belongs to his admirer

Slim, young and lightly haired: those are the 3 features of the twink. The often quoted age range of 18 to 25 years describes what the twink lover goes for, the man who is into twinks. Older men with a youthful appearance fall into his range too.

Sexual role is a separate question entirely. The shortcut from twink to submissive role misses the point. Whether a man calls himself a twink is his own call. The origin remains a matter of speculation: the Twinkie, a snack cake with a sweet filling and little nutritional value.

The jock hangs on a garment from 1874

Underwear gave the jock his name, and the jockstrap dates back to 1874. The company Sharp & Smith developed it for cyclists and horse riders who wanted to protect their genitals from strain. It has had its current name since 1891. The word probably comes from the jockey in horse racing. Early versions were cut like a thong, with a cord between the cheeks.

Within the scene, jock today means the sporty and often sexually active type. At the same time the word marks a fetish for athletic clothing such as jerseys, shorts and trainers. That makes the jock the only tribe whose meaning comes from an object rather than a body. One curious detail from the early days: the Electric Belt was a jockstrap wired to a low-voltage current, supposedly good against insomnia and bladder complaints. Since 2019 it even has its own holiday on 1 May, International Jockstrap Day.

12 more types come from the Grindr selection

12 more gay tribes come from the selection list of a dating app, where they run as 12 separate categories. The list names Rugged, Bull, Pup, Pig, Gaymer, Gym Bunny, Poz, Himbo, Leather, Discreet, Geek and Clean-Cut.

These 12 types sort by criteria other than body hair, build and age. Muscles alone count for the Bull, and that drops the very feature which holds the bear family together. Gaymer and Geek sort by hobby, Himbo by demeanour, Discreet by how much he reveals, Pup and Leather by preference. Poz stands for an openly stated positive status for the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). The practice behind Pup and Leather is covered in BDSM, Fetish & Kink; as labels in a profile they only say what a man is into.

4 commemorative days and the terms behind them

4 terms tie into a specific date, and 3 of them need more explaining than the day itself. The Pansexual & Panromantic Awareness Day on 24 May clears up 6 clichés. The Pansexual Pride Day on 8 December traces the term back to 1914 and the flag from 2010. The Intersex Day of Remembrance on 8 November explains what intersex means and closes 2 weeks that open on 26 October. And World Men’s Day on 3 November, launched by Viennese andrologists in 2000, focuses on men’s health.

Pansexuality means attraction regardless of gender. The word “gender-blind” is where opinions split: for one camp it is accurate, for the other it is a cliché. The line drawn to bisexuality varies as well. One reading places bisexual people inside the gender binary, another frames bisexual people as attracted to 2 or more genders. What matters for you is that the definitions are debated and get drawn differently depending on the source.

Common questions about the Gay Wiki

What is a gay otter?

A gay otter is a gay man with strong body hair and a slim to medium build, hairy like a bear but lighter and smaller. The scene also calls him a mini bear. The term describes a look and leaves preferences and role open.

What is a jock in the gay scene?

A jock in the gay scene is the sporty and often sexually active type. The term comes from the jockstrap, a piece of underwear from 1874. It also marks a fetish for athletic clothing such as jerseys, shorts and trainers.

What is a twink?

A twink is a slim young man with little body hair. The often quoted range of 18 to 25 years describes the preference of his admirers. The role in bed stays untouched by the term, because look and preference run on separate tracks.

What are gay tribes on Grindr?

Gay tribes are short labels for types of men that work as filters in dating app profiles. Bear, otter, twink, jock and DILF are the best known, and 12 more such as Rugged, Bull, Pup and Gym Bunny come from the Grindr selection. Most labels describe a look, some such as Poz or Leather a status or a preference, and all of them stay self-labels.

What do the colours in the hanky code mean?

Each colour in the hanky code marks a sexual interest, and the side of the wearer’s body marks the role. Black means heavy BDSM, red stands for fisting, navy for anal, active on the left and passive on the right. White reverses that pairing. The full chart lists 26 entries across 3 tables.