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For some men, the thought of unprotected sex is so hot that they voluntarily choose not to use condoms. This can be risky, but there are ways you can protect yourself. If you’re the “safe sex” type, the idea of having unprotected sex may be unimaginable to you. Or maybe you’re the type who gets turned on just thinking about it? We’ll explain and tell you not only what many gay men find appealing about it, but also how you can still protect yourself.
What makes unprotected sex so erotic for men?
For many gay men, the appeal of unprotected sex lies not only in doing away with condoms, but also in the feeling of wickedness and maximum intimacy with their partner. Physical contact is more intense, more direct, and feels even more intimate. Being so close to another person and doing away with any barriers can feel very exciting.
Added to this is the mental kick, because sex without a condom often feels like a conscious break with the rules or the transgression of a taboo. For others, unprotected sex is simply animalistic, pure, and instinctive. For them, barebacking is not a matter of convenience, but a very deliberate act with a clear statement.
And then there is the very classic reason, where the condom is simply a disruptive factor. Putting it on interrupts the flow, the act feels sterile with a condom, or the feeling is simply not as good as before. Especially in committed relationships, condoms are eventually dispensed with because you love and trust each other and may even have been tested.
Nevertheless, it must be clear that not using a condom can be a risky decision. That’s exactly why it’s so important to talk about alternative forms of protection. Having unprotected sex does not automatically have to be unreasonable.
Protection through testing before sex
If you want to do without condoms, you can still protect yourself. A popular approach is to get tested regularly for STIs. Regularly means that you don’t wait until you feel itchy, but also get tested when you are in perfect health. This way, you can minimize the risk and still enjoy the “bare” feeling.
Modern tests can detect many sexually transmitted infections:
● HIV
● Syphilis
● Gonorrhea
● Hepatitis C
These are probably the most important risks of infection when having sex without a condom. If you get tested before a date and your partner does too, you can be relatively sure that neither of you is infectious.
But remember that such a test is only a snapshot in time. With HIV in particular, there is what is known as the “diagnostic window.” This is a phase in which your partner is already infected, but the test does not yet provide any evidence of this. Therefore: A recent HIV test is great, but regular HIV testing is better.
Good to know: Not all STIs are immediately detectable or symptomatic. Chlamydia, for example, often causes no symptoms but is still contagious. It is therefore important, especially if you have multiple partners, to get a complete screening at regular intervals to know your status.
PrEP can protect you from HIV
PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) has significantly changed protection against HIV. Simply put, you now take a medication before sex, which reliably protects you from infection. For men who want to do without condoms, this is a game changer.
What makes PrEP so unique is that it has been well researched scientifically and, when used regularly and correctly, offers protection similar to that of a condom. You can choose between two versions. Either take it daily for continuous protection or “on demand,” specifically before sex. This gives you the flexibility to plan your sexuality and protect yourself. If you have casual sex frequently, continuous PrEP is the better option.
Important to know: PrEP is not a sure-fire solution. For it to work, you must take it regularly and have your health checked regularly. This is mandatory every three months, including STI tests and kidney values. Also keep in mind that PrEP only protects against HIV, not all other sexually transmitted infections such as gonorrhea, syphilis, or hepatitis.
Side effects are possible, but they are usually temporary. Some men suffer from gastrointestinal complaints, and sometimes kidney values change. However, since you are under medical supervision and have blood tests, PrEP is quite safe.
Major misconceptions: What does not protect against STIs and HIV
Despite better education, there are still myths and frightening misconceptions about what can protect you during sex. Some of them persist, even though they have long been disproved. We reveal five misconceptions that you should not fall for.
1. If you look healthy, you don’t have anything
STI carriers are not zombies with smallpox on their faces. Many infections are asymptomatic or only appear late in the disease process. You can’t tell by looking at someone whether they have gonorrhea, chlamydia, or HIV. The person you are with may not even know if they are infected.
2. If I’m only the top, I can’t get infected
This is also wrong. The risk of HIV infection is lower when penetrating than when being penetrated, but it is not zero. And for other STIs such as syphilis, gonorrhea, or genital warts, it doesn’t matter whether you are the top or the bottom; mucous membrane contact is sufficient.
3. I wash afterwards and everything is fine
It sounds logical, but it doesn’t work. You can wash cold viruses off your hands, but STIs are transmitted during sex itself and not afterwards. Water, soap, and even a good disinfectant cannot undo viruses or bacteria that are already inside.
4. Monogamy automatically protects you
This is only true if you are both truly faithful and have been tested beforehand. If you rely on exclusivity, there is no guarantee. There is no such thing as absolute safety in any relationship, even if many couples are truly faithful.
5. I’ll know right away if I have something
This is also a misconception, as most STIs are completely symptom-free at first. You only notice them when they are already advanced. In the meantime, with bad luck, you may have passed them on to other people.
Conclusion: The appeal is there, and so is the risk (under certain circumstances)
There’s no doubt that unprotected sex can be incredibly hot, but it also comes with risks. However, condoms are no longer the only way for men to protect themselves. You can get tested, you can ask your partner to get tested, and you can prevent HIV with PrEP. But all of this only benefits you if you can rely on your partner. If you get tested but your partner doesn’t, you are protecting yourself and putting yourself at risk. If you are unsure or would rather have sex with a condom, that is your right, and you can insist on it!