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The topic of aftercare for tops and doms is often neglected. Even among experienced enthusiasts of the scene, the prevailing belief is still that aftercare is primarily relevant for subs. But even though it is rarely talked about, there is not only sub drop, but also top drop. This usually involves an emotional rollercoaster ride that can be cushioned by aftercare for tops and doms. Use our guide to ensure your mental and physical health after a BDSM session.
What is a top drop?
When it comes to emotional after-effects in BDSM, everyone is familiar with the term sub drop. What is often overlooked, however, is the top drop. This term describes a state in which you, as the dominant person, suddenly feel “down.” You feel empty, overwhelmed, or emotionally unstable during or after a session.
It usually happens when the moment of control is over, your adrenaline level drops, and the previously intense experience ends in silence. You may now doubt yourself or wonder if what you did was really okay. Sometimes physical reactions such as exhaustion, trembling, dizziness, rapid heartbeat, and sweating are added to this.
Important for you: A top drop is nothing unusual. It is also not wrong, embarrassing, or even a sign of weakness. All a top drop means is that you have just had an intense session or a special role play and everything is coming off you right now.
What triggers a top drop?
A top drop doesn’t usually come out of nowhere. It’s often a mixture of physical exhaustion, emotional intensity, and mental pressure. During a session, you are focused and present, and all the responsibility rests on your shoulders. Your BDSM play partner has placed themselves entirely in your care (depending on the nature of your scene) and is dependent on you and your actions.
This special connection can put you in a kind of endorphin rush. Once the session is over, the tension drops. If there is no active counter-movement, an emotional vacuum is created. The aftermath can be unpleasant if it has been preceded by borderline experiences or very long sessions.
Even though everything went to your satisfaction, you suddenly feel alone. This intense bond during the session seems less tangible, and the emotional aftershock shakes you. Take these feelings seriously, because even as the dominant partner, you are not only acting, but also feeling.
Preventing top drop with the right precautions
The best way to deal with top drop is to not let it happen in the first place. You won’t always be able to do this, but there is a lot you can do to help. A BDSM session is never a cold start. You should ensure your safety and that of your sub in advance. This starts with your inner attitude.
Only play when you are truly ready. But don’t forget that you don’t have to deliver a perfect session. You are not an entertainer, but a partner in an equal BDSM relationship, even if you are taking control. We have three tips for you on how to prevent top drop.
1. Communication before the session
Before you start, it’s important to have a conversation with your partner. It shouldn’t just be focused on the sub. You should also say how you feel and what you need at that moment. This takes the pressure off and creates a real level playing field between the two of you. When your sub notices that you are opening up too, you have created a safe space for both of you. This is extremely important, especially during emotionally charged sessions. Feel free to say if you are nervous, if a certain topic triggers you, or if there are some things you don’t want to do that day.
2. Know and set boundaries
Even a top has boundaries. You don’t have to prove anything and go beyond them. If something makes you uncomfortable, say so and don’t justify yourself. This is not a sign of weakness, but of self-respect. Many tops go too far, don’t pay attention to BDSM aftercare for doms and tops, and believe they have to live up to certain expectations. But you are much stronger if you consciously pause and consider your boundaries. After all, you manage to do this with your sub.
3. Talk about possible traumas and triggers
As a top, you may have sore spots. Sometimes certain reactions or words from your partner trigger something in you. If you know what these are, communicate them. If you are aware that a certain setting brings up old feelings, talk to your sub about it. They should have the opportunity to catch you emotionally if necessary. In situations like these, the “dom/sub dynamic” no longer matters; all that matters is a connection between two people on equal footing.
Focus on aftercare for tops and doms
You feel strong, safe, and in control during the session, but afterwards, you experience a mental breakdown. This is where aftercare comes in. This form of aftercare for doms and tops is not a luxury, but part of shared responsibility.
When your sub leans back while you are still full of adrenaline and reflecting on the past few hours, you lack a way to calm down. You usually can’t just go back to business as usual, because at some point frustration, exhaustion, calmness, and sometimes emotional emptiness appear out of nowhere.
Aftercare for tops and doms means that you consciously take time to calm down. How you do this depends on you and your partner. Hug them, let them hold you, have a quiet conversation, or take some time to be alone. If you need the company of your sub, discuss this with them beforehand. They should know that you need their reassurance immediately after the session for your mental well-being.
The most popular aftercare measures for tops and doms
Aftercare for tops and doms is a pleasant end to the session and an important part of emotional hygiene. What you like and what is good for you is individual.
Nevertheless, there are a few classics that always prove their worth:
- Physical closeness and touch: Simply lying together and being held feels good. Even if you were dominant during the session, it can be incredibly calming to get some closeness now. Your body was in adrenaline mode, your pulse was racing, and your senses were focused on reaction. Now the level is coming down and closeness feels good.
- Debriefing and exchange: Tell your partner how you feel. Was something too much for you? Did you feel guilty or overwhelmed? Or was it so intense that you now feel empty? Many doms experience this and feel they have to process it alone. This is a mistake; you are not alone.
- Time for yourself: Not every man processes closeness with closeness. Some doms need space, and that’s okay too. If you want to drink your tea on the balcony, then do it. Let your sub know beforehand so that your actions are not misunderstood. You are not being selfish, you are preventing a top drop.
Conclusion: Aftercare is also for tops and doms
When you take on responsibility as a top or dom, you are also allowed to demand self-care. Aftercare is not an exclusive service for submissive partners and is not a one-way street. It is part of a healthy and conscious BDSM session and stands for strength. Top drop is real and can be gentle or harsh. The better you know yourself and how to deal with it, the less severe the mental consequences will be. Realize that even the strongest dom only has one nervous system, and it can rebel depending on the situation.