Fucking & Anal

Anal sex between men: how common it actually is

Anal sex means penetrating the anus, whether with a penis, a finger or an anal toy. The European EMIS-2017 survey (European MSM Internet Survey) questioned 23,107 men in Germany alone. Anal sex featured in 74 per cent of the most recent encounters they reported.

Uncertainty still surrounds anal sex, because the subject remains taboo. The guide How Anal Intercourse Between Men Really Works covers the physical and the emotional side. Two things matter in every session. Lube is essential, since the rectum depends on what you add rather than producing its own. Pain is the stop signal, usually caused by too little lube, too much pace or a bad angle.

Top, bottom and vers: who does what

Top means fucking, bottom means getting fucked, vers means both. That is the whole basic meaning. Everything else is an add-on: how often, how much you enjoy it and with what attitude. Dominance is a separate dimension altogether.

Receiving means something different from being passive. Pace, angle and depth are decided by the bottom, even though the top does the thrusting. A power bottom steers the penetration actively, while a service top penetrates and follows the bottom’s lead. The Australian prevention organisation ACON sets the two roles side by side. The power bottom takes the dominant role, the service top the subordinate one. Communication about pace and boundaries is still the foundation either way.

Between those poles are vers tops and vers bottoms. In apps you will see bttm as shorthand. There is also Side, meaning sex between men beyond anal penetration. In a French survey of 8,755 participants, 2.9 per cent identified that way. The split across the roles depends on the question asked. For men who identify as vers, the range runs from 20.3 to 83.6 per cent, according to whether self-image or actual behaviour was measured. Every figure and term is explained in Top, Bottom or Vers, with the underlying studies.

Anal is wider than the word

Anal sex covers more than the act itself, and 3 topics belong to it. Anal Toys include cock rings, penis pumps and nipple suckers alongside ball pumping. The cum dump is the man who takes the loads of several others. Cruising at public meeting spots has rules of its own, and both come with their own guides.

Anal toys: dildo, plug, beads and prostate massager

Most anal toys fall into 4 main types. The dildo is the classic one, sold as a double dildo, with a suction cup or as a strap-on. Which shape suits whom is covered in How to Find the Perfect Dildo. Anyone who would rather make one themselves finds step-by-step instructions in Make Your Own DIY Dildo.

Plugs sit securely thanks to their narrow neck, and they suit short sessions as well as longer wear. The application is explained in How to Use an Anal Plug, and the reasons to use one in Why Use Butt Plugs.

Beads for anal sex come as a row of spheres, usually increasing in size. Each creates its own sensation at the sphincter on the way in and on the slow way out. More detail is in Using Anal Beads and How to Use Anal Chains.

A prostate massager uses a curve that points toward the front wall of the rectum. That is where the prostate sits, 2.5 to 3 centimetres inside. The selection is covered in Prostate Toys and hand stimulation in How Prostate Massage Works. For a first purchase, Anal Toys for Beginners points to a diameter of 2 to 3 centimetres.

Spotting a safe anal toy: material and base

Safe anal sex with a toy comes down to 2 features: the material and the base. Every toy for anal use needs a wide base that stays outside the body. It stops the toy from slipping inside, because the intestinal muscles move in waves and draw objects inward.

As for materials, medical-grade silicone, stainless steel and borosilicate glass are the safest choices. All three are non-porous, fully cleanable and stay free of plasticisers. TPE, TPR, PVC and vaguely labelled jelly plastics are porous instead, and those pores make proper sterilisation impossible. A 2023 test of 4 retail toys found phthalates above the legal threshold in all 4 of them. The risky materials are listed in Which Sex Toy Materials Are Dangerous, with the material guide in How to Choose the Right Material.

Any anal toy listing is worth checking for 3 measurements: insertable length, maximum diameter and base width. Reputable sellers state all three. Finding the Right Anal Plug Size explains how to read those measurements, and Buying Anal Toys walks through the types one by one.

Which lube anal play needs

Every session of anal sex calls for 1 of 3 lube types, and the toy material decides which one.

• Water-based: works with every toy material and every condom. The safe default.
• Silicone-based: lasts far longer, yet can damage silicone toys.
• Fisting lube: thicker, holds for hours, usually water-based with added cellulose.

Oil belongs nowhere near a latex condom, since it turns the latex porous within minutes. Anyone buying a single product picks the water-based one. The full compatibility table is in Which Lube Works With Which Sex Toy Material, and the anal selection in Which Anal Lube to Use.

Cleaning anal toys and storing them dry

Cleaning takes 2 steps: lukewarm water and a mild, fragrance-free cleaner, before and after every use. After that the toy dries completely before it goes back in the drawer. Silicone, glass and stainless steel can also be disinfected. A 2014 study on vibrators shows why porous materials are harder to clean safely. Human papillomavirus was still detectable on 56 per cent of the TPE samples straight after cleaning.

Storage comes down to 2 rules. Every toy gets its own pouch or box. And silicone stays apart from other soft plastics, because the surfaces react with each other on contact. The routine per material is covered in How to Clean Sex Toys, and storage advice is in How to Store Your Sex Toys.

Anal sex safety: condoms, HPV and warning signs

5 points keep anal sex safe. First, condoms give reliable protection against sexually transmitted infections. Second, human papillomavirus (HPV) is common among men who have sex with men and raises the risk of anal cancer. That cancer stays rare overall, at roughly 1 to 2 cases per 100,000 people a year, yet occurs more frequently in this group. HPV vaccination is an established preventive measure and works best before first sexual contact.

Third, keep nails short and filed and use gloves where useful, as How to Finger Your Ass describes. Fourth, a split condom means considering post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP). Douching is off the table in that situation, because it may spread pathogens further. Fifth, if you see blood: small, painless amounts usually stop on their own, while heavy or dark bleeding needs a doctor. Both are covered in How to Avoid Common Anal Sex Mishaps.

In controlled studies the sphincter stayed intact through anal sex itself. For complaints that persist, How to Recognize an Anal Fissure and Pain-Free Sex Despite Hemorrhoids go into more detail.

The first time, the practice after it and staying clean

3 things matter for a first time: time, lube and a relaxed mindset. On entry, the finger or toy rests at the entrance until the sphincter gives way on its own. As a bottom you decide pace, angle and depth. For staying clean, a trip to the toilet is usually enough; douching is an option for deeper encounters.

• Your First Anal Sex, Preparing for Anal Sex and 7 Tips for Better Bottom Sex walk you through the start; bundled in Anal 101
• 29 Hot Anal Sex Positions, How to Start Anal Training and How to Have Better Top Sex deepen the practice; bundled in Techniques & Positions
• Anal Hygiene covers douching, toilet prep and cleanup after the session, for instance in Do’s and Don’ts of Anal Douching

What personal stories add to the technique

What it feels like is told by men from the community in the testimonials, for instance in My First Anal Sex Story and Anal Sex Is More Than Just Technique. They are reader submissions with erotic content, the authors’ own experiences or fantasies, from which Tom Rocket’s expressly distances itself. The guides give you the practical advice, the stories give you one man’s experience.

Common questions about anal sex

How do I prepare for anal sex?

Time, lube and a relaxed mindset are the 3 ingredients. A trip to the toilet is enough in most cases, and douching is an option for deeper encounters. On entry it helps to rest the finger or the toy at the opening and wait until the sphincter gives way by itself.

Why does anal sex hurt?

Pain during anal sex usually has 3 causes: too little lube, too fast a pace or a bad angle. The sphincter is muscle, and muscle answers pressure with counter-pressure. Burning or a sharp sting is therefore a signal to stop, and pushing on risks small tears.

What size should my first anal toy be?

Start with 6 to 8 centimetres of insertable length and 2 to 3 centimetres in diameter. Shape matters more than size: a slim, tapering head makes insertion far easier. The anal canal measures roughly 3 to 4 centimetres, and the less sensitive rectum begins beyond it.

Which material is safe for anal toys?

Medical-grade silicone, stainless steel and borosilicate glass are the safe materials for anal toys. All three are non-porous and fully cleanable. Porous plastics such as TPE, TPR or PVC keep germs inside the surface, so a condom over the toy is the safer workaround.

Which lube goes with my anal toy?

Water-based lube suits every toy material and every condom, which makes it the safe pick. Silicone-based lube lasts longer yet can damage silicone toys. Oil damages latex condoms. Fisting lube is thicker and can last for hours. If you only buy one, make it the water-based one.