---
title: "Your First Anal Sex: How to Get Ready"
description: "Your first anal sex: how to prepare right. Hygiene, stretching, lube, safer sex, and the best position for your first time."
url: https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-sex-for-the-first-time/
date_published: 2022-01-02
date_modified: 2025-09-26
---
# Your First Anal Sex: How to Get Ready

## Inhaltsverzeichnis

- [What is anal sex at all, and which "types of play" are there?](#h-what-is-anal-sex-at-all-and-which-types-of-play-are-there)
- [Anal sex for beginners: Good preparation is everything!](#h-anal-sex-for-beginners-good-preparation-is-everything)
- [Anal hygiene: How do I get the butt clean for anal sex?](#h-anal-hygiene-how-do-i-get-the-butt-clean-for-anal-sex)
- [Anal sex for beginners: Why stretch the anus before the first time?](#h-analsex-for-beginners-why-stretch-the-anus-before-the-first-time)
- [Why is anal sex so hot?](#h-why-is-anal-sex-so-hot)
- [Should you force yourself to have anal sex?](#h-should-you-force-yourself-to-have-anal-sex)
- [Safer sex for the first time: condoms, PrEP, and testing](#h-safer-sex-for-the-first-time-condoms-prep-and-testing)
- [Which position is the best for first time anal sex?](#h-which-position-is-the-best-for-first-time-anal-sex)
- [Afterwards: what is normal and what is not](#h-afterwards-what-is-normal-and-what-is-not)

You are curious about [anal sex](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/fucking-anal/ "anal sex") but have never tried it. Then you are in the right place. This guide walks you through everything: from [preparation](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-sex-preparation/ "preparation") to hygiene and stretching, all the way to [safer sex](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/health-en/prevention-protection/ "safer sex") and the best position for beginners. The three most important rules upfront. First: take your time, the first time is not a sprint. Second: [lube](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/a-little-lube-sex-toy-material-guide/ "lube") is not an extra, it is mandatory. Third: pain is a stop signal, not a challenge to push through. If you take these three things to heart, hardly anything stands between you and a good first time.

## What is anal sex at all, and which „types of play“ are there?

Anal sex between men is penetration by definition: one partner inserts his penis into the other partner’s anus. There are two [roles](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/dom-sub-two-very-special-roles/ "roles"). The top is the active partner, the bottom is the receiving one. Men who enjoy [both roles](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/switch-bdsm/ "both roles") call themselves vers, short for versatile. What the play looks like differs from couple to couple. The range spans from slow, sensual gliding to a hard ride and long sessions with breaks. There is no right or wrong, as long as both want what is happening.

That is exactly the most important prerequisite. Talk beforehand about who likes which role and what you are imagining. It sounds unromantic, but it is the opposite. When you know what the other wants, you can let go.

## Anal sex for beginners: Good preparation is everything!

For your first time to remain a good memory, you need three things: time, the right place, and the right tools. Plan for a whole evening, not a [quickie](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/gay-quickie/ "quickie") between two appointments. Choose a place where you will not be disturbed. A first time in a public restroom rarely makes a good first time.

When it comes to tools, you mainly need one thing: lube, and plenty of it. The anus does not produce its own lubrication, and without enough lube it gets uncomfortable to painful. For beginners, a water-based lube works best, because it is condom-compatible and easy to wash off. Silicone-based lube lasts longer, but it is harder to clean and does not go with silicone toys. Which lube suits which play is in our [anal lube guide](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-lube/). Also keep condoms and a towel within reach. And sort out the protection question beforehand, more on that below.

## Anal hygiene: How do I get the butt clean for anal sex?

The short answer: in most cases, a regular [shower](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/sex-in-the-shower/ "shower") is enough. The rectum is about 12 to 15 centimeters long and usually empty in everyday life. If you have been to the toilet and take a shower, you are clean enough for a start.

If you feel safer with an [anal douche](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-douche-digestion-tips/ "anal douche"), do it right. An anal douche is a small bulb or a shower attachment for rinsing the rectum. Lukewarm means roughly body temperature, around 37 degrees. Fill the water in, insert the douche with some lube, and let only a small amount run in. Then release it on the toilet, repeat two to three times, done. Less is more here. A 2019 meta-analysis reviewed 24 studies with over 20,000 participants. It found a link between rectal [douching](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/fisting-douching/ "douching") and higher rates of HIV and other [sexually transmitted infections](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/health-en/sexually-transmitted-infections/ "sexually transmitted infections"), or STIs. The suspected reason: douching can irritate the intestinal lining. So the rules are: only clear, lukewarm water, small amounts, no high pressure, and not daily. Ideally, wait 30 to 60 minutes after douching so any remaining water can drain. The detailed instructions are here: [anal douching done right](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-douching/) and [anal douche and digestion](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-douche-digestion-tips/).

## Anal sex for beginners: Why stretch the anus before the first time?

The anus is closed by 2 ring-shaped sphincter muscles. They are built to keep things inside the body, not to let things in. That is why the entrance needs time to open up. Force is the sure way to pain and small tears.

The tools of choice are your fingers or small toys. The path goes in three stages: first [one finger](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-fingering-7-tips/ "one finger"), then two fingers, then a small butt plug. A beginner’s plug is 2 to 3 centimeters thick. Best start alone with one finger and plenty of lube, for example while [masturbating](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/masturbating-wanking/ "masturbating"). That way you learn your own pace before trying it with a partner. And trim your fingernails 1 to 2 days beforehand; small edges cause big scratches. What a full training looks like is in our [anal training guide](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-training-guide/) and in [anal stretching for beginners](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-stretching-for-beginners-advanced/). Even [anal fingering](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-fingering-7-tips/) has its own tricks.

A warning belongs here. Skip numbing creams or sprays. Pain is your protection signal during anal sex. It tells you when to slow down or stop before tissue tears. If you numb the pain away, you injure yourself in the worst case without noticing. The same applies to [poppers](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/poppers-en/ "poppers"). They are common in the scene for relaxation and work quickly, but they also crash your blood pressure and never go together with ED medication. Read up first: [how to use poppers](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/poppers-use-and-benefits/) and [the side effects of poppers](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/side-effects-of-poppers/).

## Why is anal sex so hot?

Two stimulation sources make anal sex so intense: the thousands of nerve endings around the anus and the prostate. The area around the anus is one of the most sensitive parts of the whole body. The prostate is roughly the size of a chestnut, sits about 5 to 7 centimeters behind the entrance toward the belly, and is not called the male G-spot for nothing. When both sources are stimulated, men report especially intense orgasms, and some come from penetration alone.

The second reason is closeness. Anal sex demands trust, and that is exactly what makes it the most intimate sex of all. The bottom gives control, the top gives responsibility. When both see that as a gift, the fusion happens that makes anal sex so special.

## Should you force yourself to have anal sex?

No, and for 2 reasons. First, sex should be fun, and under pressure it is not. Second, anal sex physically does not work under pressure. When you are tense, your sphincter tenses up too, and then it hurts. There are days when nothing works, from stress, from excitement, or for no obvious reason. That is normal and no failure. Wait until the desire comes back on its own.

The same applies mid-act. If it hurts or feels wrong, say stop. A good partner stops immediately, without discussing. And the reverse is true as well: you owe nobody anal sex, not even in a relationship. Someone who pressures you has not understood your [boundaries](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/bdsm-limit-boundaries/ "boundaries"), and that is his problem, not yours.

## Safer sex for the first time: condoms, PrEP, and testing

[Anal intercourse](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/anal-intercourse/ "Anal intercourse") is the transmission route with the highest risk for HIV, because the intestinal lining is vulnerable. Other STIs also transmit easily this way. The good news: today you have three effective layers.

The first layer is the [condom](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/jerking-with-a-condom/ "condom"). It protects reliably against HIV and clearly reduces the risk of syphilis, gonorrhea, and [chlamydia](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/chlamydia-infection/ "chlamydia"). Use it with enough water- or silicone-based lube. Oil and fat make latex porous, so household creams are off the table.

The second layer is PrEP, a daily [HIV prevention](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/hiv-prevention/ "HIV prevention") pill with the active ingredients tenofovir and emtricitabine. The name stands for pre-exposure prophylaxis. In the large studies, it lowered the HIV risk by 86 %, and with regular intake demonstrably by up to 99 %. If you have frequently changing partners, it is a serious topic to discuss with a doctor. More here: [modern HIV prevention](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/hiv-prevention/).

The third layer is knowledge. Someone who is successfully treated for HIV cannot pass the virus on. The formula for that is U=U, undetectable equals untransmittable. In the PARTNER study, serodiscordant gay [couples](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/bdsm-for-couples/ "couples") had sex without condoms over 76,000 times, and there was not a single transmission between partners. And if something does go wrong: PEP is an emergency option. It is a 28-day emergency course of HIV medication that must start within 72 hours of the risk situation. Details in our [PEP guide](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/pep-hiv/). Regular STI testing belongs in the routine of sexually active gay men anyway, every three to six months when in doubt. A standard panel covers HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia.

## Which position is the best for first time anal sex?

There is no blanket answer, but there is a clear favorite for beginners: ride your partner. The rider position is the best beginner position because you control three things as the bottom: pace, angle, and depth. You decide when he may go deeper, and you can pause anytime. Exactly that control takes the fear away for most beginners.

Once you are settled in and your anus has adjusted, you can try other positions. On your back with bent legs, you have eye contact, and the prostate gets hit well. In doggy style, he penetrates deeply, but you hand over the lead. At the beginning, the rule is: the position in which you feel safest is the best one.

## Afterwards: what is normal and what is not

A simple split into two categories helps here. Normal is a sore feeling, and a slight burning the next day is not unusual. Take a break of a few days before the next round. Not normal are strong pain, visible blood, or discomfort that does not improve after 2 days. Then see a doctor, ideally one who knows gay patients. No need to be embarrassed; doctors see this all the time.

And one last tip: talk briefly afterwards about what was good and what was not. The second time almost always gets better that way. And if it does not work on the first try: almost nobody gets it perfect right away. If you want to prepare further, check our [anal sex preparation](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/i-want-anal-sex/) and the [bottom basics](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/bottom-sex-basics/).

## FAQ

### Does the first time anal sex hurt?

It does not have to hurt, and it should not hurt. A slight feeling of pressure or a brief pulling at the start is normal. Strong pain is a stop signal and almost always means: too fast, too little lube, or too tense. The first time stays pain-free when three conditions are met: enough time for stretching, plenty of lube, and a partner who waits.

### Do I have to douche before the first time anal?

No, you do not have to. After using the toilet and taking a regular shower, the rectum is clean enough for a start. If you feel safer with an anal douche, rinse with lukewarm water in small amounts and not too often. Frequent douching can irritate the intestinal lining.

### How much lube do I need for the first time?

More than you think, and then some more. A rule of thumb: a walnut-sized blob to start, then reapply generously. The anus does not get wet on its own, so the rule is: lube for the entry, reapply in between, and rather risk a stain on the sheets than an injury. Water-based lubes are condom-compatible and a good start.

### Are poppers a good idea for the first time?

They are not a requirement. Poppers are popular in the scene for relaxation, but they crash your blood pressure and must never be combined with ED medication. For the first time, the rule is: get to know your body sober first, and read up on effects and side effects beforehand.

### Condom or PrEP, what protects better?

Both protect on two different levels. The condom also reduces other STIs like syphilis and gonorrhea. PrEP protects very strongly against HIV, but only against HIV. Many combine PrEP with regular STI testing. A doctor or a local AIDS service organization can advise you on what fits your life.

### What if it just does not work the first time?

Then that is how it is, and it is completely normal. Nervousness tenses the sphincter, and some days nothing works. Postpone it, without pressure. Very few people get anal sex perfect on the first try. Nobody measures you by a single evening.

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