---
title: "How to Give the Best Blowjob"
description: "The gag reflex protects your throat, and no controlled study backs training it away. What matters when you give head, with Cochrane and RKI data."
url: https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/blowjob-give-the-best/
date_published: 2023-03-16
date_modified: 2026-07-27
---
# How to Give the Best Blowjob

## Inhaltsverzeichnis

- [What makes a blowjob between men different](#h-what-actually-is-a-blowjob)
- [The technique: pressure, pace, tongue](#h-blowjob-guide-for-a-perfect-pleasure)
- [Breathing and the gag reflex](#h-breathing-properly-makes-blowjobs-easier)
- [Deep throat: what the evidence actually says](#h-deep-throat-what-the-evidence-actually-says)
- [Why numbing sprays do the wrong thing](#h-why-numbing-sprays-do-the-wrong-thing)
- [What gets passed on while you give head](#h-what-gets-passed-on-while-you-give-head)
- [Swallow or spit](#h-swallow-or-spit)
- [Positions that work](#h-positions-that-work)

Almost every guide on how to give a [blowjob](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/side-en/blowjobs-oral-en/ "blowjob") tells you the same four things: no teeth, breathe deeply, train your [gag reflex](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/gag-reflex-what-to-do/ "gag reflex") away, use a numbing spray if you have to. Three of those are fine. One is risky, and one rests on no controlled study at all.

We checked. In 2019 the Cochrane Collaboration reviewed every randomised trial on managing the gag reflex. The result is thin. And Germany’s public health institute, the Robert Koch Institute or RKI, describes an infection that gets passed on while you give head and produces no symptoms in half to four fifths of cases. In your throat. Without you noticing.

This text tells you what works, what is experience rather than evidence, and what you should leave alone.

## What makes a blowjob between men different

A blowjob means stimulating a cock and its [glans](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/glans-massage-instructions/ "glans") with your mouth, lips and [tongue](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/tongue-fetish/ "tongue"). The medical term is fellatio. That much is the same for everyone.

Between men, something else comes into play. You know how it feels. You know the spot just under the head where it tingles most. You know when pressure is good and when it becomes [too much](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/too-little-sex-too-much-sex/ "too much"). Nobody without a cock has that knowledge.

That leads straight to the second difference. A gay blowjob is rarely one-way traffic. You take turns, you do it at the same time, or one of you gives today and the other tomorrow. Anyone who knows both [roles](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/dom-sub-two-very-special-roles/ "roles") gives better head, because he can read the other guy’s reaction instantly.

And the third: for you, a blowjob is often not [foreplay](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/sex-foreplay/ "foreplay") but the main event. It needs no follow-up and no justification. That takes the pressure off and makes it more relaxed.

## The technique: pressure, pace, tongue

There is no technique that works on everyone. There are three dials: pressure, pace and tongue. You turn them until you get the reaction you want.

**Pressure.** Firm suction around the head is more intense for most guys than a wide-open mouth. But constant suction goes numb fast. Alternate between solid sucking and a loose seal.

**Pace.** Steady up and down will get him there eventually. Changing pace gets him there faster. Speed up, drop back, stop for a second. Those pauses are not a mistake, they are the trick.

**Tongue.** The glans carries the most nerve endings. The spot right underneath, where the [frenulum](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/frenulum-2/ "frenulum") sits, is the strongest one for many men. Run the tip of your tongue across it while your mouth keeps working.

Talk while you do it. Nothing elaborate, a simple „you like that“ is enough. And when you are on the receiving end, tell him what you want. Guessing in silence wastes time for both of you.

### Teeth out of the way, lips take over

The glans and the shaft are packed with nerve endings. That is exactly why they react badly to hard edges. Teeth do not belong on a cock.

The move is simple: open your mouth, roll your lips lightly over your teeth, then work with lips and tongue only. After a few tries you do it without thinking.

Unsure? Practise on something that will not complain. A peeled banana shows you mercilessly where your teeth have been.

One exception exists. Some guys like the faintest hint of teeth along the shaft. That is a matter of taste and something you agree on beforehand, not something you try out on him.

### Without hands you waste half of it

Your mouth reaches the top third. The rest goes untouched if you keep your hands out of it.

Wrap one hand around the shaft and let it move in time with your mouth. That extends your mouth and saves your jaw. The second hand has a job too: stroke [his balls](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/ball-licking/ "his balls"), massage the [perineum](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/perineum-sunning/ "perineum") between his balls and his hole, touch his stomach. The perineum sits right above the prostate and is surprisingly sensitive for many men.

Saliva helps. Plenty of saliva helps more. Dry drags, wet glides.

### Change the rhythm instead of dull up and down

Monotony is the most common mistake. The stimulus wears off, and what felt hot at the start becomes background noise after two minutes.

Switch tools. Mouth, then tongue only, then hand, then mouth again. Switch direction: let him slide in deep with your mouth wide open and close your lips only on the way up. Switch depth.

And let go of him in between. A few seconds of nothing, then everything at once, hits harder than any steady build-up.

## Breathing and the gag reflex

This is where it gets interesting, because this is where almost every guide repeats the same wrong idea.

The gag reflex is not a flaw and not a weakness. The 2019 Cochrane review defines it as an involuntary defence mechanism that protects the pharynx and throat from foreign objects. It is a protective reflex. Its purpose is precisely the thing that gets in the way when you [deep throat](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/side-en/deep-throat-en/ "deep throat").

That changes the question. It is not „how do I switch it off“ but „how do I work with it“.

Breathing is the part that reliably works. Breathe through your nose, deep and calm. If you gasp through your mouth, you tense up, and the reflex arrives sooner. Calm nasal breathing gives you air and keeps your throat loose.

Relax your jaw. A clenched jaw pulls the base of your tongue backwards, and that is exactly where the trigger zones sit. On that note: plenty of guides talk about training „your uvulas“. You have one uvula. The reflex is triggered at the back of the throat, the base of the tongue and the palatal arches.

And when it happens anyway: stop, sit up, breathe. [Gagging](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/gagging-facts/ "Gagging") is not failure, it is a reflex.

## Deep throat: what the evidence actually says

Now for the part you will not read elsewhere.

In 2019 the Cochrane Collaboration systematically searched for randomised trials on managing the gag reflex. It found **four trials with 328 participants in total**, all at unclear risk of bias. What they tested was acupuncture, acupressure and laser at a point on the forearm.

The authors‘ verdict: the certainty of the evidence is very low, and it is not sufficient to conclude whether any of those methods helps at all.

The second sentence carries more weight. For **every other intervention**, Cochrane found no randomised trial whatsoever. Including the gradual desensitising that every guide recommends.

One caveat belongs here, and we will state it plainly: Cochrane looked at dental treatment, not sex. Nobody has measured [deep throating](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/deep-throat-receiver/ "deep throating") in a controlled trial, and nobody is going to.

But dentistry has been fighting the same reflex for decades, has money and every reason to solve it, and still there is no solid evidence base. So when a text gives you a protocol accurate to ten seconds and three times a day, and promises your reflex will ease off after exactly one week, that is experience dressed up as measurement.

What guys who can do it report: it takes time, progress is uneven, and it works through relaxation rather than willpower. Hanging your head over the edge of the bed straightens the angle between mouth and throat and makes it mechanically easier. Do not eat anything heavy beforehand. And accept that some days it simply will not work.

If you want to work on it, there is a step-by-step guide in our text on [how to deepthroat](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/deepthroat-training-guide/). What it feels like from the receiving end is covered in [deep throat as the receiver](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/deep-throat-receiver/).

## Why numbing sprays do the wrong thing

Some sprays numb your throat and get sold as a deep throat aid. Most guides recommend them without a word of caution. This is where we disagree.

These sprays contain local anaesthetics, usually benzocaine or lidocaine. The US Food and Drug Administration, the FDA, has warned for years about a side effect of benzocaine mouth and throat sprays: methaemoglobinaemia. The blood carries considerably less oxygen, the condition needs treatment, and in severe cases it kills. The FDA warning explicitly applies even if you have used the product before without any problem.

Statistics are not even needed for the second point. The gag reflex protects your throat from foreign objects, that is its job. A spray that switches it off switches off the protection. That is exactly what it is sold for.

If your throat stops reporting back, you will not notice when it goes too far. You will not notice when you injure yourself. And you will not notice when something goes down the wrong way.

The better routes only cost you time.

## What gets passed on while you give head

Pathogens travel in both directions while you give head, and one of them causes no trouble you would notice. The RKI states in its guidance on [gonorrhoea](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/gonorrhoea-symptoms/ "gonorrhoea"), updated in December 2024, that the throat is a common site of infection and that transmission there usually happens through oral-genital contact. In other words, while you give head.

The key finding: **most cases of gonococcal pharyngitis produce no symptoms at all, the RKI puts the figure at 50 to 80 per cent.** No burning, no sore throat, nothing. That is why the RKI calls the throat an important reservoir of infection.

For MSM, meaning men who have sex with men, the RKI assumes a higher incidence. A German study from 2018 detected gonococci in the throats of five per cent of participants. Reported prevalence in that group ranged from 7.4 to 14.8 per cent. Those figures are German data. The biology is not country-specific, the numbers are.

That does not mean you should stop giving head. It means a throat swab belongs in your regular check-up. A urine test alone will not find a throat infection. If you give head regularly, say so when you get tested and ask for the throat to be swabbed.

What else matters and how to lower the risk is covered in our text on [safer oral sex](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/safer-oral-sex-risks-protection-2/).

## Swallow or spit

Both are fine. There is no rule here and no obligation. [Semen](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/produce-semen/ "Semen") consists overwhelmingly of fluid from the seminal vesicles and the prostate, with sperm cells making up only a fraction of it.

For a lot of guys, swallowing is the most intense moment. If you would rather not, just let it run out after he has come. For him it feels almost the same, and nobody has to force anything.

Taste is the most common reason against swallowing, and it genuinely varies. Why that is is covered in [what cum tastes like](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/what-does-cum-taste-like/), and in more detail in [spit or swallow](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/spit-or-swallow/).

What matters more than the decision is that he knows about it. If you do not want it in your mouth, say so beforehand, not at the last second.

Feeling sick regularly while giving head is rarely down to the cum. What can be behind it is covered in [vomiting during a blowjob](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/blowjob-vomiting/).

## Positions that work

He lies down, you kneel or lie beside him. That is the most relaxed option and the one where you last longest.

He stands, you kneel. It hands him control over depth and pace. Agree beforehand whether he is allowed to thrust.

69 is popular and harder than it looks. Concentrating on both at once does not work for everyone. More variations are in our [19 oral sex positions](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/19-oral-sex-positions/).

Head over the edge of the bed, him standing in front of you. That is the deep throat position, because mouth and throat form almost a straight line.

One claim cleared up along the way: the idea that lying down improves blood circulation and therefore makes the orgasm more intense circulates in a lot of guides. There is no basis for it.

If you like it wet and messy, the [sloppy blowjob](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/sloppy-blowjob-guide/) is the text for you. And if you are looking for technique with and without foreskin in detail, that is covered in [giving head, with foreskin and without](https://gay-blog.tomrockets.com/en/8-blowjob-tipps-2-2/).

## FAQ

### How long does it take for the gag reflex to fade?

Nobody can tell you that honestly. The 2019 Cochrane review found no randomised trial at all on desensitising methods. Every timeframe you come across is anecdotal. Some men report weeks, others months, and for some the reflex stays.

### Are deep throat sprays dangerous?

They are not harmless. The FDA warns that benzocaine mouth and throat sprays can cause methaemoglobinaemia, a treatable but serious impairment of oxygen transport in the blood, which can occur even after previous uneventful use. On top of that comes the real problem: the gag reflex protects your throat. Numb it and you no longer notice when things go too far.

### Can you catch gonorrhoea from giving head?

Yes. The RKI describes the throat as a common site of gonococcal infection, transmitted mostly through oral-genital contact. Between 50 and 80 per cent of these throat infections produce no symptoms. That is why a throat swab belongs in your check-up, since a urine test alone will not find it.

### What should I do if I gag while giving head?

Stop, sit up, breathe through your nose. The reflex is a protective mechanism, not a failure. Go less deep afterwards and use your hand more. A clenched jaw makes it worse, because it pulls the base of your tongue backwards.

### Do I have to swallow?

No. You can let him come and simply let it run out afterwards. It barely changes anything for him. Tell him beforehand what you want, then nobody has to guess when it counts.

### Are teeth always off limits during a blowjob?

As a rule yes, because the glans and shaft react badly to hard edges. A minority enjoys the very lightest teeth contact on the shaft. That is something you agree on before you do it, not during.

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