Table of Contents
It is astonishing how many small things can wreck a hot session. Usually they are not exotic problems but basic stuff people get wrong out of carelessness or laziness. We have put together the ten most common sex mistakes between men. Once you know them and avoid them, nothing stands in the way of fulfilling, horny sex.
1. Not communicating messes up sex
The basic prerequisite for sex that everyone enjoys is functioning communication. Talk before and during: tell each other what turns you on and what is off limits. Only when you know what your partner likes does the sex get hot for both of you, and only then will he want you again afterwards. Staying silent out of misplaced shame is the first and most common mistake. A simple “do you like it harder or softer?” often works wonders.
2. Not addressing health and protection
Two topics get discussed far too rarely: health and protection. Men with HIV in particular often find it hard to tell a sex partner early, out of a justified fear of rejection. Even so, it is worth finding the courage. While you are at it, clarify whether you want practices like anal sex, where condoms make sense. PrEP and protection through therapy (safer sex 3.0, the principle of undetectable equals untransmittable) belong on the table too, all the more so if one of you is into bareback. Leave these topics unspoken and you end up with cramped sex instead of fulfilling sex.
3. Too fast, too hard and no foreplay
Tops in particular often get down to business far too quickly. The moment he is hard, the bottom is moved into position and the cock goes in, frequently too fast and too hard. But the ass has to relax first. Only then is firm thrusting with a big cock not painful but makes the passive partner moan with pleasure. Extensive foreplay gets both of you in the mood: gently licking the rosette or carefully fingering it prepares the butt for penetration. How to prepare properly is covered in the guide on anal sex preparation.
4. Not using sex toys
Something many underestimate: sex toys are excellent preparation for anal sex. A nice dildo or anal plug stretches the love grotto and delivers plenty of pleasure before the actual ride. The top enjoys it too, because toys make the whole session more varied and exciting. You will find a wide selection in the sex toys category.
5. Distraction from your phone
Few things are more annoying than messages in the middle of sex. Still, many leave their phone on. Do not jump up the moment it rings or the notification tones from Grindr and co. go off. Your partner is rightly pissed off if you interrupt sex to reply to a message. Distraction of any kind kills the mood. Focus fully on your partner, his cock or his ass. Your favourite series will still be there later. A quick flick to airplane mode saves you both the frustration.
6. Selfishness: only the top comes
Good sex involves at least two people who respond to each other, and that includes both of them reaching climax. Unfortunately, some tops think only of their own orgasm. The moment they have shot their load, they sink into the pillows exhausted and leave the bottom to fend for himself. That kind of selfishness is a real turn-off, and many bottoms would rather finish themselves off than be reduced to a dumping ground. So for tops it means holding on and helping their partner to an unforgettable orgasm too.
7. Skimping on lube
Because you see it constantly in gay porn, many believe a quick string of spit on the hole is enough to fuck. The catch: saliva is barely slippery and dries fast. That makes the sex uncomfortable, for the top as well, and in the worst case leads to injuries. So the rule is: use plenty of lube. It makes anal sex noticeably more pleasant for both, especially for the bottom.
8. Being too passive
Maybe you know it as a top: the passive partner lies there more or less motionless and just lets you do the work. Just being served without getting active, without stroking your partner or working him with your mouth, is extremely off-putting and gives the impression of boredom. Being a bottom never means simply lying there without lifting a finger. A moan, eye contact or your hands on the top show him you are fully in it.
9. Always the same position and speed
Routine is the death of all passion in bed. Whoever always fucks in the same position and at the same speed eventually bores both of you. Variety is key: a change of position can trigger a completely new, exciting sensation for both partners. Varying the speed, hardness and depth of your thrusts gives you fresh stimulation too. For inspiration, see the anal sex positions.
10. Lack of hygiene
First, basic cleanliness: some men love the smell of a sweaty guy, but most prefer a fresh partner. If you smell like a locker room, you rarely spark desire for passionate fucking. With anal sex, inner cleaning comes on top so nothing ruins the mood, more on that under anal douching. And do not forget: bad breath is an instant turn-off when kissing. If you like to kiss, oral hygiene is a must.
In short: how to do it better
- Talk openly about wants, limits and protection, before and during sex.
- Bring up health, condoms and PrEP early instead of avoiding them.
- Take time for foreplay and let the ass relax.
- Use sex toys for preparation and variety.
- Put the phone away and focus on your partner.
- Make sure the bottom gets his pleasure too.
- Always use plenty of lube.
- Stay active instead of just being served.
- Vary your position, speed and depth.
- Mind your body, intimate and oral hygiene.
FAQ
What is the most common sex mistake?
A lack of communication. If you do not say what turns you on and what does not, you leave your partner guessing. Talking before and during is the basis for sex both of you enjoy.
How do I prepare properly for anal sex?
With enough time, foreplay, inner cleaning and plenty of lube. Sex toys like an anal plug help you relax and stretch. Rushing and using too little lube are the biggest sources of error.
Why is lube so important for anal sex?
The anus produces no natural lubrication of its own. Without lube you get friction, pain and in the worst case small injuries. Generously applied lube makes the sex more pleasant and safer for both.
How do I bring up health and protection during sex?
Openly and early. Before sex, clarify which practices you want, whether condoms are involved and where you stand on PrEP or protection through therapy. That takes the pressure off rather than building it up.
What kills the mood during sex fastest?
Distraction from your phone, selfishness and poor hygiene. A single glance at the screen or a whiff of bad breath is enough to drop the desire to zero.